This is how it starts, unfortunately

That dark rhythm blossom picture I've obsessively worked on for the past month. I added one course of cells across the bottom part of the picture, and suddenly that portion of the picture seemed to take on a new character. The lighter colored cells have the feel of something illuminated, even though they're all made with raw or burnt umber, pale gray, or sepia.

So, naturally, I immediately wondered if I could capture that same sense in a new picture. That's how this one was born in my mind, seeing how dark cells in a different picture developed a different rhythm. I need to avoid thinking about this, because I swear I'm taking a break from doing these kinds of things for a while, if for no other reason than to give my knees a rest. I've had to figure out different ways to sit cross-legged to minimize the strain on my knees. I wish I could work at a table or something. Thankfully, also, I have too many unfinished pictures and too many mental images of other stuff that I want to work on next, but even so, I've seen this before, the compulsion to load yet another endless picture in the pipeline... As Oscar Wilde once said, "The only thing I can't resist is temptation."

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At one point, a day or two ago, I had a moment of total irresolution about this picture. I looked at the picture (under artificial light) and actually found myself saying out loud, "Have I just wasted a month of my life on this thing?" I wondered if it was like a slow motion car wreck, or one of those dreams where you're trying to run from something and your legs feel leaden. It was probably due to the realization, once again, that this thing is not a picture anyone would say "ooh...beautiful" about. Believe it or not, I've made a few pictures that other people have said that about. This just won't be one of them. Even though I have no children, I can understand the love a parent still has for the homely child.

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Added 1-3-15:

 So, I guess no one should believe a word I say. For some reason, I can't shake free of the desire / compulsion to work on blossom pictures. I dug out some unfinished pictures.... you know, just to have a look at them.... and started getting the itch to start back in on them. And, worse than that, I got out a fresh sheet and just wanted to see about trying some smaller cells....

Part of the problem is that I feel like I want to do some dimensional pictures but with those it's as if I'm just idling, my motor running, mentally sorting things, doodling on small pieces of paper. I know I want to do a monochrome landscape, but I can't even decide whether it will be sepia/bloodstone or just grays. The only thing I'm sure of right now is that my energy level is way up, and I've learned over and over that when it's like this I have to go with it.

Here are in-progress blossoms:

This one was started in 2013. I don't know why I haven't worked on it in over a year. It's got a lovely character to it. The colors are really wonderful. The cells are kind of huge, at least compared to almost every other blossom I've done.

When the light is just right, this picture is riveting. The dimensional stuff in it fascinates me. This one is on hot press paper, which isn't easy to work with. I honestly don't know when I started this, but I think it was 2012.

This is one I started the other day. The painted portion shown here is about 4 1/2 inches across. The cells are smaller than I usually make them. It's going to take a while for the rhythms to develop, and I'm already thinking I'm going to shift the shading soon, maybe after the light area on the right is better resolved. Lots of ways this one can go. My gut instinct tells me it will be a "pretty" picture to look at. It has a "light through trees" feel already, which I really like.